O That I Were an Angel....

I identify with Alma.
O that I could have the desire of my heart and speak with a voice to shake the earth... it's in me. Believe it or not-under this calm, happy, quiet demeanor I posess a deep desire for an evangelical life. But as Alma, I am conflicted. Why should I desire more than to perform the work to which I have been called? I know that which the Lord hath commanded me, and I glory in it. (alma 29) I am so blessed. So blessed in my life. I have work to do and people to love and an eternity to work towards. I do not need to look for grand opportunities. The Lord in His wisdom presents them to me every day. Two amazing men to raise, teach and love. A strong husband to guide and teach me with his example and strength. Enough trials to keep me humble and reliant on God, enough blessings that I still marvel at His love.

I have had a glorious hymn in my head and on my mind for the past few weeks. The lyrics mirror my testimony and express it it a way that I wish I could. It's my life story, hope and testimony all together. I have felt the comfort of the Spirit, testifying its truths to me and the comforting love of my Savior when I have heard and sung this song. We sang this song at the opening of my brother Michael's memorial. He was taken by suicide a little over two years ago. I honestly say that was the most sorrowful time of my life. As I sat in the chapel where I grew up attending church, realising why I was there and what I was about to participate in, these words calmed my soul and I felt love replace my aching. I had been wondering why. Why him, why not me or any one of my siblings or friends. Why him? Why now? Why this way? And I realised that it is not for me to know now. But I could take comfort in the Atonement and trust in a wise and loving Heavenly Father who loves His children. I could remember what I had been taught, be grateful that I had the opportunity to receive those truths and be taught in my youth. That I had a firm foundation. A knowledge of God and a place to turn for refuge and peace. The incredible gift of the companionship of the Holy Ghost-who has become a dear and welcome friend.

I have been serving in our ward's Primary for just over a year. I love it. I think about all our little Primary kids when I hear this song as well. I think about how grateful I am for the teachers we have, who are helping create a firm foundation for those children. For my children. I think about how amazed I am each week when a child answers a question with ease. That the parents in our ward, our neighborhood, are teaching their children at home, and they are receiving it and remembering these amazing truths. How grateful I am that this is where we live, among other families who want the same things we do and that our children will get to be around people we trust to care for them as we do.

I wish I could sing with the angels in heaven, or at least had a decent voice with which to share my favorite hymn....

But for now -

How firm a foundation, ye Saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in his excellent word!
What more can he say than to you he hath said,
Who unto the Savior for refuge have fled?

In ev’ry condition—in sickness, in health,
In poverty’s vale or abounding in wealth,
At home or abroad, on the land or the sea—
As thy days may demand, so thy succor shall be.

Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o’erflow,
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

E’en down to old age, all my people shall prove
My sov’reign, eternal, unchangeable love;
And then, when gray hair shall their temples adorn,
Like lambs shall they still in my bosom be borne.

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake!

a very thankful

Amen.